You will never, never, NEVER, EVER read this entry AGAIN!

So day two was all about getting to know each other, training and playing the tourist. It started out with a team meeting, handing out of uniforms and a briefing of plans for the day: training, lunch, a tour of the Sky Dome - home of the Toronto Blue Jays, a sojourn to Wayne Gretzki’s bar ‘Oasis,’ then dinner in a local pub. Very exciting for all of us, and of course, plenty of opportunity for randomness to ensue.

First things first: a special mention goes to one of the beloved junior members of our tour. Megan, also well known for her unnecessary but highly entertaining diving antics at training, experienced embarrassment when it was revealed that she asked the following question on her way to Canada: “do they accept Australian currency at Sydney airport?” … Almost a “MooMoo-worthy offence,” truth be told. More about “MooMoo worthy offences” later…

Now, before we headed off for training, team manager Rob excitedly announced that the team’s hats had unexpectedly arrived early! We were then regaled with a blow-by-blow description of the new hats, the best hats he has ever seen, soon to be imported into Australia and surely will out-sell all other hats! We got on-board with this assertion immediately and gushed suitably over how wonderful the new hats were. Someone commented on how much room there was for people with excessively large foreheads, or “deep head” as another interjected, adding that she liked deep head - as in, deep heads on hats. All the dirty bitches in the immediate area however had a field day with this comment, much to the embarrassment of the person who had done nothing more than observe an outstanding feature of the wonderful new hats.

Rob also kept us entertained with comments about the itinerary and a lecture for the junior members of the squad.

“There are numerous activities on here, but all are optional. If you were to say, meet a “Sergio” while out and about, and you decided that instead of going on an activity with us you’d like to spend some time with your “Sergio” then go right ahead.” Of course this now means any slightly strange or freaky man that we meet on the tour is now to be nicknamed Sergio, and allocated a girlfriend in the team. Wiggles already has her Sergio – a g-banger wearing gentleman who frequents the pool beside our playing field. She is smitten.

Then it was time for Rob’s lecture…

“Now, Junior ladies, you will be going off to stay with your billeted families this evening. I must stipulate: no alcohol, no chemicals of any kind, definitely no Sergios, and no shenanigans! Senior ladies… enjoy your evening!”

So off we went in search of our own special Sergio. And boy, did we strike gold! On the Blue Jays home ground tour we were fortunate enough to have Mike as our tour guide. Mike was a slightly manic looking man, who apparently still lived with his mother. Mike had a very thin, very obvious comb over and knew every random fact to do with Sky Dome known to mankind. INCLUDING a verbatim list of the hundreds of artists to perform at Sky Dome since its opening, which he performed for us. At request, he then repeated it, and we filmed it, because it was truly ridiculous. Anyway, Mike had this extremely annoying habit, as we moved through the stadium, of reminding us not to leave anything behind because we would “never, never, never, ever return to this place again.” Heather decided to head f**k with him, and said that he couldn’t be sure of that, because what if she bought a ticket to a Blue Jay’s game and came back the next night? This frazzled him somewhat, but then he outsmarted her by adjusting his pitch. “We will never, never, NEVER, EVER return to this place again - during this tour route.” Smart ass.

Should we mention at this point that we got asked to sign autographs? We have the immense privilege of travelling on this tour with Jeneane Lesko, a genuine member of the original All-American Girls Professional Baseball league. She is in her 70’s and is an absolute legend. Someone wanted her autograph, and rightfully so, but then decided that we too were certainly autograph worthy and got us to sign a ticket for her. We all hope she doesn’t feel too disappointed when she tries to sell that ticket on eBay…

So there was plenty happening to keep us entertained. We stumbled upon a wedding in a smelly brewery, with a very stylish gentleman wearing a black suit jacket and bright pink pants. Bobby got distracted when perving and walked straight into a pole, and we also discovered a gay bay called “The Beaver.”

All in all, another productive day on tour.

Oh, and on the way home we stopped at Wall Mart and bought a MooMoo. What else would you possibly want to buy in the store that acts as a symbol of American consumer excessiveness?